need another drink. this is the easiest way
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
