I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
