wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
