Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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