I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
