Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I would ride that face into the sunset
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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