I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
