I CAN MOONWALK!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
