my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
