have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
