we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
