Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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