I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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