"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
