god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
