Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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