i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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