that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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