So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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