UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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