Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
