He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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