I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
