I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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