i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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