I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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