I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
