pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
