Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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