that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
