Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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