we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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