Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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