He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
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He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
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Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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