Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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