Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i dont even know how to be here
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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