He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
