I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
