i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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