I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize