sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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