i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
