im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
