i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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