oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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