Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
