my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
