that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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