Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's blow job season.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
