I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
