Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
someone threw a dead crab at me
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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