You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
