She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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