I accidentally had phone sex last night
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
