I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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