it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Ladies don't puke and tell
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
