Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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