wat bout pragnant strippers??
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
