if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
