Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
