Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
