so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
