I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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