I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
