my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
