Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
