were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
