she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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