After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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