It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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