i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize