i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
