so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
