the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
